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Why Not V.P. Michele Bachmann?

By Christopher Truscott

With all their talk about Gov. Tim Pawlenty as a vice presidential candidate on the 2008 Republican ticket, the state's pundits and bloggers are overlooking another major Minnesota conservative: U.S. Rep.-elect Michele Bachmann.

I know, the outgoing state senator from Stillwater hasn't even taken her seat in Congress, but Democratic activists began dreaming of President Barack Obama before the Illinois senator even won his tough (70-27) election fight over Alan Keyes two years ago.

Think about it, conservatives, what does Pawlenty really offer? He's electable, but he's betrayed you time and again. He implemented a prescription drug plan that punishes the benevolent pharmaceutical industry; he's demonstrated a post-election willingness to provide health care coverage for all Minnesota's children; and he's raised taxes while calling them fees.

Sure, the governor flirts with the hard right, but he drops the GOP's lunatic fringe like a bad habit whenever he needs to win a vote. He's politically self-serving, whereas Bachmann has never betrayed you.

For the next two years, Bachmann will be fighting to protect us from "radical jihadis" (as opposed to the moderate holy warriors, who are apparently fine), she'll be fighting to lower our taxes (remember, she "hates" taxes), and she'll be working to protect our God-given right to own the assault weapon of our choosing. In addition to that bold agenda, Bachmann will continue her brave work to defend our marriages from gay activists (but not divorce) and to protect our right to interject religious dogma into the public sphere and educational curriculum whenever we want.

But as a member of the minority party, she'll be fighting an uphill battle. She doesn't have the votes to get things done, which is probably a good thing because in her six years in the Minnesota Senate she never demonstrated a real desire to actually make laws. If it can't be accomplished in a press conference or rally on the Capitol steps, she'll move on to a more important hot-button issue.

As vice president, Bachmann won't be bothered by any of the minutia of the legislative process – the drafting of bills, committee hearings, debate, compromise, etc. The Constitution requires the vice president to do only two things: preside over the Senate and take over should the president be unable to continue his duty. She can handle that and still have plenty of time for interviews on Fox News and conservative Christian radio.

Everything's starting to line up for Bachmann. Pawlenty can have Sen. John McCain. Bachmann can team up with Sen. Sam Brownback, a founding member of the GOP Insanity Caucus. She can crisscross the country with the Kansan, warning us of the evils of stem-cell research, advocating her faith-based health care plan (pray you don't fall ill), and making the argument for abolishing the minimum wage rather than raising it.

I'm sure there are scores of high-power political operatives waiting to hitch their stars to Bachmann. If President George W. Bush can bring on Fox News personality Tony Snow as press secretary, there's no reason Bachmann can't hire Stephen Colbert as a speechwriter, communications director and senior adviser.

Come on, Republicans. You know you want to do it. Backing people like Pawlenty, McCain and Rudolph Giuliani is equivalent to dealing with the devil. Follow Rush Limbaugh's post-election edict: be true to yourself.

Christopher Truscott can be reached at chris.truscott@gmail.com . He covered Michele Bachmann as a reporter and editor at the Stillwater Gazette and always knew she'd be a big star. He wishes he was wrong.

One thing for sure, she is posturing herself for a bigger future. While I know this story was tongue in cheek, think about it.

In this blue state, and with her being extremely right wing, State Offices like the Governor or Lt Governor are probably out of reach as well as runs for the US Senate.

It would make sense for her to aspire to a higher office like, gulp, the VP or higher...

I'll pack the purple truck and move to Canada...