Friday, January 25, 2008

Star Wars Guide to the Presidential Candidates

I can't help that I saw the original Star Wars in a small theater in Mayville, North Dakota when I was a kid. I am a Star Wars geek, so I found this stuff to be a bit funny. Enjoy!

To add a dose of humor to the race. Found at KFAN.

Hillary as Lando

Here's the thing. The Millennium Falcon was hers to begin with. She only lost it to Bill on a bet. Then she got caught up in that whole Cloud City thing in the Bespin system, which proved she could govern, I guess, but she's kinda hoping you won't remember that she totally sold out the Rebels to Darth Vader. That's how J'han Solo wound up encased in Carbonite and Leia ended up in a bikini on a chain. Hmmm. Actually, not so bad! And Hillando did do some nifty piloting against the New and Improved Death Star. Didn't she also record "Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)"?

Kucinich as Jar-Jar Binks

Ron Paul as Obi-Won Kenobi: "While his anti-Empire foreign policy excites the Rebel Alliance, it's pretty much a Jedi mind trick. He's still a crazy old guy living in the desert."

Huckabee as an Ewok

Obama as Leia: A young idealist constantly criticized for her "inexperience", Senator Leia Orbama once faced down Lord Vader with "Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold... and so stupid."

Romney as Luke Skywalker: Mitt's biggest appeal is that he's the likable doofus scampering around the galaxy in search of himself, always haunted by the spectre of his father. On the downside, he's so conflicted it's hard to know where his true allegiances lie... he's infatuated with his own twin sister, he listens to apparitions of old men, he preaches religious tolerance... but only for those who believe in The Force. Sort of gives the impression he's been knocked off his Tauntaun a few too many times.

Mike Gravel as Chewbacca!

Rudy Giuliani as Grand Moff Tarkin: Well, Giuliani certainly turned things around... he built the Death Star! "By the time I left office," he continues, "the Death Star was the best example of conservative government in the galaxy!" Some folks might disagree with his foreign policy, though, consisting as it does of pretty much blasting whole planets into rubble.

John Edwards as Han Solo


John McCain as Darth Vader: Darth McCain ultimately serves the Emperor, voting with him almost every time. McCain could be redeemed someday, but only by succumbing to Force Lightning and tossing the Emperor into a pit... something he has thus far refused to do. Let's stay in Iraq... err... Tatooine... forever!

Now, time to pop in Episode IV: The Empire Strikes Back!

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