Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Ron Carey Press Release Template

So easy, even a right wing blogger can use it! Here are the secrets that we'll divulge for you, only if you purchase a Senator Coleman endorsed Blo and Go!

For the low everyday price of $29.99, you'll get the blow dryer of the stars AND the knowledge to write your own Ron Carey Press Release.

Too good to be true you might say?

These press release templates enabled the Minnesota Republican Party to lose a winnable US Senate seat and one Congressional seat in 2006. The templates used to lose 20 GOP seats in the Minnesota House and allow the DFL to obtain a veto proof majority in the Minnesota Senate! Let's not talk about the money/tax scandals though...

With results like this, the Blo and Go pays for itself!

Ron Carey Press Release Template

A. Call the DFL endorsed candidate a "far left liberal who is out of touch with _____ district".

Regardless of fact, you must start off the press release with this phrase. See recent Elwyn Tinklenberg and Ashwin Madia press releases.

Prediction: Ron Carey will issue a press release on Saturday afternoon, "Steve Sarvi, a far left liberal, is out of touch with the voters of the 2nd Congressional District.

While factually incorrect, the Ron Carey Press Release Template cannot be tainted by fact. Just write it an move on to more important aspects of the release.

B. Reiterate that candidate x is far too liberal for _____ district. Congressperson Y will be reelected because they are a strong and effective leader.

Again, do not expand upon this statement. Do not talk about their voting record or legislative accomplishments. Just use vague language to describe the GOP incumbent/candidate.

Example: Tinklenberg is too liberal for the Sixth District. No matter how much mud Tinklenberg and his left-wing allies throw in this campaign, I am confident Representative Bachmann will be reelected because she has been a strong and effective leader."

C. If you have a chance, slide a reference to Ronald Reagan in the press release.

D. Was our far too left out of touch liberal wearing a flag lapel pin? Point that out.

E. Write about the largest tax increases in the nations history, even if it's factually incorrect. Pin them on out of touch liberals. Sponsor gas station ads that are also factually incorrect.

F. Send courtesy copies of the release out to Brodkorb, Emmer and the rest of the right wing Minnesota spin machine so the distorted message can be amplified.

Example:

St. Paul- Republican Party of Minnesota Chairman Ron Carey issued the following statement after 42nd Congressional District Democrats endorsed Billy Smith for Congress.

Billy Smith is a far left liberal who is out of touch with the voters of the 42nd District. Smith, a far too left liberal economist from Bovey Minnesota, is a tax and spend liberal. No matter how many times Smith attacks Congresswoman Jones, leadership remains confident that freedom will win, Congresswoman Jones will be reelected because she is a strong and effective leader.

Smith, who was 6 when the Reagan tax cuts took effect, opposed them. In a debate with Alex P Keaton, Smith actually made him cry. Footage indicates that Mr. Smith was not wearing a flag lapel pin, therefore, Smith hates freedom and America.

Congresswoman Jones has been awarded the "Friend of the Taxpayer award" for her persistence on Taypayer Bill of Rights legislation. Smith staunchly opposes this legislation and supports raising your gas tax 43% this year.

Iran, Iran, Iran

Immigration, Immigration, Immigration

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes

CC: Right wing blogosphere

It's that easy!

2 comments:

eric zaetsch said...

At the beginning of a war, when jingoism is strong, question the patriotism of any opponent. Claim the opponent of a GOP/Carey candidate is unpatriotic or has voted that way.

After five years or so, when enthusiasms change, drop this ruse but mention the troops.

Troopwise -- Just say that the favored individual supports the troops and does not want to see a single American going into combat with less than top notch equipment - whatever the budget needed to secure this protection.

"Will stand up to terrorism" can still be used, but only in conjunction with "basically in tune with the district."

Or have I made a mistake, giving Ron a few new ideas?

Perhaps you have? He may introduce some new rhetoric.

And, finally --- "El Tinklenberg is an outspoken liberal totally out of tune with the district?"

Get real.

Was the man a liberal, ever, since birth? Doubtful. Very doubtful.

Not ET.

Liberals should rightly take offense at that characterization.

TwoPutt said...

ROFLMAO!!!

"The republiCon Ron Press Release Template"!!!!


Hey - check out this story, about republiCon Ron, in June of last year:

***
Retirement deposits disputed

A key element of Tostenson's memo deals with his accusation that the party appears to have violated federal law by repeatedly delaying the deposit of employee payroll contributions into their retirement accounts. He said the "misappropriation" helped cover party expenses before the money was deposited.

"As reported on our payables at the state executive meetings last summer there was as much as $12,000 not deposited at any one time," he wrote. "This represented months of paycheck withholdings by the Party which had not been deposited within the 30-day legally required time limit."

The party offers Simple Individual Retirement Accounts for some employees. Federal law requires that money deducted from employees' checks for those accounts be deposited as soon as possible, and in no case later than 30 days after the month when it was withheld.

In cases of tardy deposits, employers may be required to make the plan whole by paying back any lost investment earnings. If they had mixed the employees' retirement money with general operating funds they could be required to pay an excise tax.

Party records show that money was withheld for employee retirement plans from September 2005 through May 2006, but Federal Election Commission (FEC) records reflect no deposits into the accounts during that period. In June 2006, the party made two makeup payments totaling $12,243 into the accounts.

The delay in depositing the money could have benefitted the party by giving it temporary access to the employees' funds.

Carey didn't explain why the retirement money wasn't deposited promptly.

"There seemed to be some gray areas as to what was the requirement," Carey said. Asked to explain the gray areas, he said, "I really would prefer not to get into the weeds on something like that.

***

republiCon Ron don't wanna get weedy!!!!

http://www.startribune.com/politics/11759986.html